she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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