the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
