Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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