Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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