I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
