So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
