Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
