I could make wine with my vomit
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
