Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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