yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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