I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
