take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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