She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
