I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
