he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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