i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
