So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
