the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
