remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
