sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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