If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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