We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
