A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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