i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
