Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
