I think I won the penis lottery.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
