1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
