I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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