at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
