his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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