You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
