so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The Olympian is in my bed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
