Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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