This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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