Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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