yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
