dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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