dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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