Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Even my vagina gasped.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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