So drunk its hurt
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
