I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
