I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
