Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
