6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
