Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
