so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
