You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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