My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
