I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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