he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
